LET’S pretend that you are famished and have not eaten in 3 days. You are sitting in an empty room at an equally empty table. A man walks in and offers you a bag of cookies or a bag of potato chips – with the caveat that you may choose only one bag. Which would you select? The bag of potato chips or the cookies? If you reply, “Neither, I would choose broccoli,”… a pox upon you.
SERIOUSLY, though, I wish illness upon no one. In fact, I myself had quite a scare yesterday. You see, yesterday I had an attack…a potato chip attack; and I am still reeling with remorse. More on that in a minute.
MUCH like driving a car without GPS, I made a maneuvering error in the grocery store yesterday: I went down the “chip aisle,” or as I like to call it, “Pandora’s Box.” And yes, I bought a bag of potato chips; salt & vinegar chips, if you must know.
WE ALL know that it is okay to indulge in potato chips every now and then, and everything in moderation, blah-blah-blah. However, when it comes to a sinfully crunchy bag of chips, the word “moderation” holds little meaning for me. Why snack on a single serving of 12 chips (120 calories) when you can snarf down half a bag of potato chips (calorie total unknown).
YOU probably think that I am remorseful and full of self-loathing because I ate SO MANY chips yesterday, don’t you? Perhaps you believe that I am consumed with guilt for my gluttony.
IF SO, you are incorrect. The root of my regret lies in…French onion dip. No potato chip feast is complete without French onion dip. If you have never been blessed enough to enjoy this evil-good combination of foods, don’t start now or you could end up like me, greedily opening a bag of potato chips on the way home from the grocery store. Darn, it’s hard to drive when you’re dipping a potato chip into the dip.
But, I digress; my self-disgust lies with the fact that I bought “Fat-Free” French onion dip. Why in the heck did I destroy my date with snack royalty by purchasing a fat-free dip? Perhaps I was subconsciously planning to eat the entire bag of potato chips and was looking for caloric redemption.
FAT-free dip, for those who are not condiment-savvy, tastes like Elmer’s glue with a dash of seasoning; it’s not worth buying and certainly not worth wasting a chip-fest on.
So, take it from me, my chip-eating brethren. Enjoy your fried morsels of potato goodness with full-on, sour-cream-based French onion dip. If a love like this is wrong, I don’t want to be right.